Hornswaggler | The culture, the humor, a bit of the sports, not so much the politics, and the workplace distraction

Hornswaggle is an alternate spelling of hornswoggle, an archaic word that means to bamboozle or hoodwink. I take my pronunciation from the late Harvey Korman in "Blazing Saddles" --

"I want rustlers, cutthroats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, conmen, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswagglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass kickers, shit kickers and Methodists!"

Culture, Humor, Sports
Workplace Distraction

Thursday, August 29, 2002

I'm so sad so very very sad, because baseball might go on strike tomorrow. Yah. I could not care fucking less. (Especially since the Phillies season is all over but for the finger pointing.) Baseball. All these idiots at stadiums with bags on their heads, carrying signs emblazoned with angry messages saying they'll never come back to Yahoo Stadium, will be back in their seats munching hot dogs and drinking $8 beers once play resumes and the next steroid-inflated jarhead starts bashing home runs the length of a Canadian football field.

I saw "Signs" last night. I'll just defer to Maddox's review. He sums up the movie and its myriad plot holes quite thoroughly. Don't read it if you haven't seen the movie though, because it'll give away the surprises. While "Signs" left me wondering at many of M. Night Shyamalama Ding Dong's choices, it is pretty original and entertaining, so I'm not going to advise you not to see it. It's also the funniest of his flicks thus far. The little girl, "Bo," is adorable and gets some good lines. Joaquin Phoenix does a pretty damn good job, I must admit.

Although two-thirds of the way into the movie one begins to wonder why the flizock Mel Gibson -- being a farmer and all -- doesn't seem to own a shotgun, it's refreshing to see a summer alien flick that doesn't rely on explosions to keep the drooling idiots in their seats. Also, the dogs in this flick get the absolute shaft. You know what I mean if you've seen it. ("Just tie him up all by himself way over there by the barn. All bHe'll be alright.")

I'll say this: The world could use an alien invasion right now to bring us all together. (Did Shyamalama have the same idea, hence the reference to the Middle East at the end?) To paraphrase a paid anti-violence adverstisement from the '80s, "Yo yo, we're all in the same gang. You see, we're in one gang ... and the big scary Aliens are in the other. Listen up Mohammed, I'm talking to you. There's us (exaggerated circular gesture with hands) and then there's them (pointing off into sky). Us good. Them bad. It's 'One Sweet World' baby. Training camp is over. It's time to band together and kick the shit out of the other team."

Did I miss any cliches? Of course, as soon as the aliens left, we'd be back at each other's throats. That's what makes the human race so neato-keen.

.: posted by hornswaggler 8:09 PM

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