Postgame Analysis: Eagles 35 - Texans 17: And now, a further reading from the Great Book of Unwarranted Mirth. "Order had long since been restored and prosperity now reigned throughout the kingdom. The poppies grew tall. The tweezers for the eradication of the unibrow were plentiful. The king began taking herbal supplements and soon his flesh wand was the length and thickness of a heavy-duty flashlight. He ran through his coterie of maidens faster than Jeremy Schapp through Harlem.
"The queen kept herself busy with archery and riding lessons. She commenced an affair with a duke who was like a combination of D'Artagnan and JFK Jr., only far more dashing.
"The evil designs of the treacherous Count Wrinklybottoms having been exposed, he was thrown into a pitted enclosure with a 30-foot anaconda. The walls of the circular pit, which was located in the middle of the castle courtyard and measured 40 feet in diameter, were 20-feet high. Bets were taken as to whether the snake, which hadn't feasted in about three weeks, would be able to swallow the unfortunate count whole once it asphixiated him. As of Thursday, the odds were 2:1 in favor of the count making a journey through the digestive tract of the great reptile. Another item for which castle bookies were recording heavy action: Would the snake begin with Wrinklybottoms' head or his feet? The count tried desparately to stay awake and keep an eye on the cruel beast, but he knew he would not be able to stave off sleep forever.
"Meanwhile the drunken monks brewed their beer in enormous casks, made cheese and grew marijuana. When they began to slur their hymns, they would call it a day and crank Widespread Panic."