Hornswaggler | The culture, the humor, a bit of the sports, not so much the politics, and the workplace distraction

Hornswaggle is an alternate spelling of hornswoggle, an archaic word that means to bamboozle or hoodwink. I take my pronunciation from the late Harvey Korman in "Blazing Saddles" --

"I want rustlers, cutthroats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, conmen, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswagglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass kickers, shit kickers and Methodists!"

Culture, Humor, Sports
Workplace Distraction

Friday, April 23, 2004

Dear New Zealand,

I just wanted to give you a heads up that, contingent upon certain events in November of this year, a lot of us may be coming down and crashing out on your proverbial couch for a little while.

Don't worry, we're not going to be much of a nuisance. We'll clean up after ourselves, keep our noses mostly clean. You see, luckily, it's the ugly Americans who will be most inclined to stay in the United States if George W. Bush is reelected as President.

We're the ones who read books, can hold two ideas in our head at the same time, that type of thing. I can safely say there will not be an increase in people wearing Green Bay Packers jackets lumbering in bovine clusters around your most cherished architectural treasures. As far as I can make out, you don't really have any of them anyway, so good news on that front.

From watching "Lord of the Rings," I really like those high alpine plains that Aragorn and Legolas always seemed to be running across. Maybe we'll set up camp there, if that's cool. Again, small footprint is our motto. When we leave in 2008, you won't even know that we'd been there.

If, God forbid, Jeb Bush is elected in '08, well, then we'll talk about renogiating our lease. But we'll cross that tarn when we come to it.

In conclusion, you guys have a good set-up down there. You don't bother anyone and no one bothers you. You speak English when you're not honoring the language of the aborgines who originally settled your islands. You've got a sweet Mediterranean climate and the great outdoors.

Up until now, one thing you didn't have was explosive population growth. Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but that's probably going to change. But as I said, we'll be good neighbors.

I look forward to meeting you all very soon.


Aaron Kinney, Not So Optimistic American Liberal

.: posted by hornswaggler 1:29 PM

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