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Hornswaggle is an alternate spelling of hornswoggle, an archaic word that means to bamboozle or hoodwink. I take my pronunciation from the late Harvey Korman in "Blazing Saddles" -- "I want rustlers, cutthroats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, conmen, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswagglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass kickers, shit kickers and Methodists!" |
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Wednesday, July 07, 2004The Heisenberg Media PrincipleThe Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle states that it is impossible to measure the velocity and location of a subatomic particle simultaneously, meaning that you can never measure with absolute certainty what in Sam Hill is going on inside one o' them little suckers (atoms). This principle is at the heart of quantam mechanics. Extrapolated from it is the more general principle that you cannot measure, observe or experiment on a subject without affecting the subject you're trying to observe. At least, I think that's right. I can't be bothered to google it and make sure. There is a similar effect at work in today's mainstream media. The previous post about the media's assertion that the public views John Kerry as an elitist is a prime example. The Heisenberg Media Principle is always at work -- in other words there is no such thing as objectivity and reporting is inevitably an act of interpretation -- but never is it as salient as when the media tries to determine what the public is thinking and feeling. Because most often, the media, rather than read the public mood like a quiet instrument, makes an assumption about the public mood, the broadcast of which assumption to the public then affects the public mood the media is monitoring. Look no further, in the political sphere, than Newsweek's coverage of Howard Dean in '03 and '04, which went something like this: "HE'S A LOSER, HE'S A LOSER, HE'S A LOSER, HE'S A LOSER, HE'S A LOSER, HE'S A LOSER, HE'S A LOSER, HE'S A LOSER, HE'S A LOSER, HE'S A LOSER, HE'S A LOSER, HE'S A LOSER, HE'S A LOSER, HE'S A LOSER, HE'S A LOSER, HE'S A LOSER, HE'S A LOSER, HE'S A LOSER, HE'S A LOSER ... Hey, whaddya know? He lost." But let's leave the political arena for a moment and consider ... The Olsen Twins When you think about it, is there any reason to be surprised that Mary-Kate Olsen is anorexic? There were hordes of males online who had a running clock that counted down the days and hours until the Olsen twins were 18 and, therefore, the legal locus of their masturbatory fantasies. The amount of male sexual energy focused on these two girls could bore a hole in a mountain. Not that the Olsen twins, with the logic-defying billion-dollar media industry they've built up around ... whatever talent or appeal they are purported to possess, have not contributed to their plight by building up a billion-dollar media industry, which brings the focus of attention upon them, that's based upon the fact that ... they're twins, I guess, and they're relatively attractive and ... they were on a profoundly bad television sitcom as children and therefore there is a generation of young men who grew up knowing them and kind of liking it as the girls hit puberty and became sexual beings and ... but those males -- at least, most of the males, excluding a small and very sick minority -- weren't the consumers of the Olsen products: all the magazines, the straight to DVD movies targeting the 8-11 female demographic, the beauty products and other sundries that I guess they put their name on ... so actually I remain mystified by their appeal. The fact that their appeal, considering all possible factors, is based least of all upon their skill as actresses may have contributed to Mary-Kate's anxiety as she approached adulthood, otherwise known as the Corey Haim Zone, that bone-strewn killing field for which childhood performers without any actual talent (or whose cute attributes whatever they are are doomed not to translate into adult celuloid charisma) are destined. Even though even if she fails as an actress, which she is bound to do, Mary-Kate is already set for life, financially, for having done nothing, essentially, so pardon me if the tears don't flood down my cheeks out of sympathy for the plight of this Louis Vitton handbag display rack of a Hollywood skeleton. As for the cocaine Mary-Kate has been using, hey, that's a great way to keep off the weight. That makes perfect sense to me. I don't know whether the cocaine chicken or the anoxeria egg came first, whether the coke had the nice side-effect of stifling her appetite or the anorexic cried "Eureka" upon the serendipitous discovery of her magic powder, but really who cares. In regard to the media's continuing role in the Mary-Kate drama, I have no doubt whatsoever that Mary-Kate's emaciated body's appearing on the cover of every tabolid magazine -- from US Weekly to People -- will aid her in her recovery, by reminding her that she is anorexic and addicted to cocaine and that she's really got to Beat This Thing, lest she happen to forget. .: posted by hornswaggler 1:48 PM| |
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