Hornswaggler | The culture, the humor, a bit of the sports, not so much the politics, and the workplace distraction

Hornswaggle is an alternate spelling of hornswoggle, an archaic word that means to bamboozle or hoodwink. I take my pronunciation from the late Harvey Korman in "Blazing Saddles" --

"I want rustlers, cutthroats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, conmen, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswagglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass kickers, shit kickers and Methodists!"

Culture, Humor, Sports
Workplace Distraction

Friday, July 12, 2002

Alright. I'm not nearly famous enough. It's time to get cracking on many different self-promotional fronts. Incidentally, it turns out Relix is going to publish my Mountain Aire review after all, just belatedly, bc they're a little behind schedule.

One thing a lot of people don't read, besides my blog, is Marcel Proust's "In Search of Lost Time" front to back, all six volumes. I finished the other day and graduated to the .0001% of the human population who have done this and effectively feng-shui-ed that shit out of my system, opening up exciting new avenues for me in terms of frittering away my time. I expected fireworks or a parade upon closing the book, but neither was forthcoming.

Last night saw Robert Randolph and the Family Band at Bimbo's, with the Dirty Dozen Brass Band opening. Page McConnell, formerly of Phish, came out for a couple songs, including the encore, "Papa Was a Rolling Stone." Good time had by all.

A Question: Why does asparagus make one's whizz so pungent? What's the deal there?

Birdseed: The Eagles signed Dorsey Levens as their backup running back. We all know he's an accomplished back with a good combination of elusiveness and power, but all I have to say is did you see the diving catch he made in the snow last year? Snow was falling and accumulating on the field, the Packers were pounding on somebody at Lambeau Field and Ahman Green was probably trampling and bludgeoning defenders, as is his wont, when Favre sent a long pass down the left sideline to Levens, who made a fully extended and horizontal diving catch for a touchdown and then skidded another 10 yards out of the end zone on the light dusting of snow, leaving a trail of clear field behind him. Hey. That's just a big-time play by a big-time player baby.

Non sequitor rap couplet: "Yo, I leave trail behind me, kind of like a slug/I drink Hires root beer straight from a mug."

Steve Irwin, the yang to my yin: Just to prove that I'm not a total cynic, allow me to state that I am a huge fan of Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter. He can do no wrong in my eyes and I will probably see his new movie (even without being ridiculously stoned).

A catch-phrase that will never catch on, used in context:
"Hey you wanna go grab some beers?"
"Yeah, let's do it like Lleyton Hewitt."

A riddle that, if ever solved, could yield up the missing pieces of the Grand Unified Theory for the universe: the appeal of the cartoon "Zippy the Pinhead." When the SF Chronicle cancelled a bunch of cartoons awhile back and Zippy the Pinhead was among them, there arose from the populace a successful write-in campaign to bring Zippy back. Who in God's name are these people? The cartoon makes no sense. Or there is an underlying meaning but in order to discern it you have to spend your life studying Zippy the fucking Pinhead. Which begs the question: Can something that makes no sense be funny? Cite examples.

.: posted by hornswaggler 6:50 PM

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