Hornswaggler | The culture, the humor, a bit of the sports, not so much the politics, and the workplace distraction

Hornswaggle is an alternate spelling of hornswoggle, an archaic word that means to bamboozle or hoodwink. I take my pronunciation from the late Harvey Korman in "Blazing Saddles" --

"I want rustlers, cutthroats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, conmen, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswagglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass kickers, shit kickers and Methodists!"

Culture, Humor, Sports
Workplace Distraction

Monday, January 10, 2005

Blog wi da Blog da Bang da Bang Bloggy

First, die Sport, which means Sports or The Sports, not "Die, Sports!"

After all their talk about intimidating the Colts' receivers, the Broncos went out and let them run right through them just like in last year's playoff game. The most glaring example was the 35-yard TD by Reggie Wayne that made it 28-3, in which almost every member of the Broncos secondary decided they didn't feel like tackling him. The Broncos suck donkey balls. Good quote from Brandon Stokely: "I mean, what the Broncos didn't seem to understand was that last week was like a preseason game for us. We gave our backups at lot of reps in practice. We knew the starters weren't going to play much. So for them to do so much chirping in a game like that, geez, it was silly on their part."

In the last game of the regular season, Falcons rookie CB DeAngelo Hall, who is, granted, a phenomenal athlete, playing defense against Seahawks WR Jerry Rice, threw the old man to the ground at the line of scrimmage, intercepted the pass intended for him*, then pranced 40 or so yards into the end zone. Jerry, buddy. I think it's finally time to retire. "I got nowhere else to go!" Go home, old man. Go home.

(*Rice was lined up on the right side of the formation. The pass was a quick out, so basically what happened was Rice started with a fake inside to the left, but when he tried to come back outside Hall simply overpowered him and threw him back to the inside, using Rice's momentum against him.)

Good article by the Philadelphia Inquirer's Phil Sheridan on the reality of Brett Favre.

Moving on to politics. I think by now most of us are shaking off the quick-and-easy "moral values" answer to the presidential election quandry and realizing that a lot of things were at play, like usual, including FOX News, the Swift Boat Veterans, the aftershocks of Sept. 11, 2001, and last but not least, possible voter fraud in places like Ohio.

Here's a couple good quotes from Lewis Lapham from January's Harper's, first regarding the aforementioned quick-and-easiness of the "moral values" dealio: "Such is the speed of our modern system of communications and the fast-drying character of its instant wisdoms that within a single twenty-four-hour news cycle the tale of the Democratic Defeat was packaged in both an authorized version and an unauthorized version."

Then: "An American presidential election is a movie, usually a very bad movie, but the American public likes bad movies, and President Bush was more convincing in the role of Batman than was Senator John Kerry in the role of Flash Gordon."

William Safire, talking about God and the tsunami, looks to Job, which story begins when: "Satan suggested Job worshipped God only because he had been given power and riches. On a bet that Job would stay faithful, God let the angel take the good man's possessions, kill his children and afflict him with loathsome boils."

See, that's why a lot of us aren't overly impressed with the Bible. Why is God making wagers on people's lives? That sounds kind of irresponsible. Why not, being omniscient, just read Job's mind and see whether his faith is true or not, and skip the whole part where you slaughter his family and ruin his life?

What's that you say? It's a story, meant to illustrate a point? It's not literal? Aha! Aha! Exactly. None of it is literal, and the people who take Genesis literally are ... what, then? Placing wagers isn't what God would do. It's what man projects God would do.

Now, on to supermarkets: It irks me when I go to Whole Foods and they have every kind of pesto except regular pesto. They have pesto made with cilantro and pesto made with arugula and pesto made with spinach, but not pesto made with basil. I want basil, garlic, pine nuts, olive oil, salt and pepper. That's it, motherfuckers.

.: posted by hornswaggler 1:06 PM

Salon Articles
The Right Take on Libby?
Hurricane Horror Stories
"Looting" or "Finding"?
Run, Andy, Run!
Newsweek's Grand Inquisitor
Robert Blake
American Idol
Year in Television 2002

Andrew Sullivan
Bigmouth's "Lost" blog
Chris Keating
Hendrik Hertzberg
Matt Yglesias
Paul Krugman
Peter Kinney
Talking Points Memo
Two Glasses


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