Hornswaggler | The culture, the humor, a bit of the sports, not so much the politics, and the workplace distraction

Hornswaggle is an alternate spelling of hornswoggle, an archaic word that means to bamboozle or hoodwink. I take my pronunciation from the late Harvey Korman in "Blazing Saddles" --

"I want rustlers, cutthroats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, conmen, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswagglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass kickers, shit kickers and Methodists!"

Culture, Humor, Sports
Workplace Distraction

Friday, January 14, 2005

Much to the chagrin of many core readers ... it's time for more sports

I was dead wrong about Matt Leinart, who has announced he's staying in school. Much to the chagrin of 49ers fans like Garth, because Leinart has all the skills plus Tom Brady-esque poise (Sorry, Toast -- I identify with waiting for Brady to be exposed as a fraud, but all he does is win). But who knows, maybe Alex Smith will turn out to be the creme de la croppe.

My animus for ESPN analyst Merrill Hoge has yet to top out, as he has predictably picked the Eagles to lose against the Vikings Sunday. He prognosticated that the Eagles would miss the playoffs this year, that dumb fuck, and they went on to start the season 13-1. He hates the Eagles, and I hate him. I'm looking for his email address, so I can begin asking him about the rug that he wears.

Here are the Eagles' needs for the 2005 off-season, ranked in order:
1) Linebacker
2) Running Back (to spell Westbrook)
3) Offensive Line
4) Defensive Line
5) Wide Receiver

Here is the Hornswaggler All-Pro team, just for the skill players. Like most fans, I don't pay enough attention to the lines to say for sure who's the best. This is not a strict All-Pro team, but it's not a quirky All-Madden either. It's the players I'd want at each position if starting a team.

QB: Peyton Manning
RB: LaDainian Tomlinson
WR: Marvin Harrison
WR: Muhsin Muhammad
TE: Antonio Gates
S: Ed Reed
S: Brian Dawkins
CB: Champ Bailey
CB: Nate Clements
K: Adam Vinatieri
P: Idon Care

Notice there's no Terrell Owens. I'm operating on the principle that if I wouldn't deal with attitude if I didn't have to. Second Team:

QB: Tom Brady
RB: Shaun Alexander
WR: Terrell Owens
WR: Hines Ward
TE: Randy McMichael
S: Roy Williams
S: Troy Polamalu
CB: Lito Sheppard
CB: Ronde Barber
K: David Akers
P: Geeves Ashit

Torry Holt misses out because I want a mixture of size and toughness in my starting WRs. Someone else would get to deal with/terrorize me with Randy Moss. Priest Holmes is injured too much. Correy Dillon would be my third RB. There's no getting around the number of touchdowns Alexander scores. I put McMichael over Tony Gonzales kind of for the hell of it. I just don't like Jamal Lewis, nothing to do with his legal problems, but rather his running style.

That was an excellent waste of time.

.: posted by hornswaggler 3:37 PM

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