Hornswaggler | The culture, the humor, a bit of the sports, not so much the politics, and the workplace distraction
Hornswaggle is an alternate spelling of
hornswoggle, an archaic word that means to bamboozle or hoodwink. I take my
pronunciation from the late Harvey Korman in "Blazing Saddles" --
"I want rustlers, cutthroats, murderers,
bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits,
vipers, snipers, conmen, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers,
buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswagglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train
robbers, bank robbers, ass kickers, shit kickers and Methodists!"
I don't know why I'm writing about the playoffs so much. I have no rooting interest other than wanting Kobe and the Lakers to lose.
But anyway, the Philadelphia 76ers interviewed Doug Collins for the head-coaching job. The fact that they'd even consider him, that they think he'd be the solution to the team's problems, is bad news. Collins coached the Bulls for several years in the '80s. If I'm remembering "The Jordan Rules" correctly, Michael Jordan openly disrespected him. As soon as Collins was fired and Phil Jackson came aboard, they went on their epic title run. Collins later coached the Pistons for a few years before behind fired. And when Jordan made his comeback with the Wizards, he hired Collins as the coach, because he thought he'd throw him a bone or because he knew he could control him or both. The whole thing didn't work out, and Collins was later fired.
Collins seems like a nice guy, and I have nothing against him, but he's a mediocre coach and a retread. Plus he's kind of a nervous personality, and it's clear at this point that he's unable to command the respect of multimillionaire athletes. When he's announcing, he often projects onto the coaches and players, like, "Boy, Alvin Gentry must be so freaked out right now with the game being this close. He probably wants to duck into the tunnel and puke!"
Speaking of announcing, I find it endlessly amusing how Hubie Brown calls the lane "the painted area." Every time. Hubie, it was painted for a reason: to signify that it is "the lane." If Hubie were a cop, he would confuse drivers he pulled over by telling them they failed to yield to pedestrians in "the painted area." ("You mean the crosswalk, Officer?" "Don't get smart with me, son.") When Hubie goes to Starbucks, does he ask how many pieces of green paper with drawings on them it will take to purchase a scone?
