Hornswaggler | The culture, the humor, a bit of the sports, not so much the politics, and the workplace distraction

Hornswaggle is an alternate spelling of hornswoggle, an archaic word that means to bamboozle or hoodwink. I take my pronunciation from the late Harvey Korman in "Blazing Saddles" --

"I want rustlers, cutthroats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, conmen, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswagglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass kickers, shit kickers and Methodists!"

Culture, Humor, Sports
Workplace Distraction

Saturday, April 02, 2011

'The Matrix' (shorter, alternate version)

Neo and Morpheus sit in upholstered chairs in a ratty room of Hotel Lafayette.

MORPHEUS: The Matrix is everywhere. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.

NEO: What truth?

MORPHEUS: That you are a slave, Neo. That you, like everyone else, were born into bondage, kept inside a prison you cannot smell, taste or touch. A prison for your mind. Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Matrix is. You have to see it for yourself. Hold out your hands.

Morpheus takes out two pills and presents them to Neo.

MORPHEUS: You take the blue bill and the story ends. You wake in your bed and you believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red bill and you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.

Neo thinks for a moment.

NEO: I'll take the blue pill.

MORPHEUS: The blue pill?

NEO: That's right.

MORPHEUS: You're sure about that.

NEO: Yeah. This place isn't so bad. My boss is an A-hole, but now that I know this is all basically a dream, I don't have to worry about being late or getting fired.

Neo reaches out and plucks the blue pill from Morpheus's hand.

MORPHEUS: Neo, you must make your own choice. But I urge you: Think carefully. This is your last chance.

NEO: Plus maybe I can make a deal with that weird guy who calls me Mr. Anderson. Improve my situation. I'll be the Hugh Hefner of this biotch.

MORPHEUS: You're really going to screw us here, Neo.

NEO: Uh-huh.

MORPHEUS: Who'll help us fight the swarms of menacing, tentacled robots?

NEO: I'm sorry, man, but whatever you're up to, it sounds pretty miz. The Matrix is looking better every minute.

MORPHEUS: This is your choice?

NEO: Final answer.

MORPHEUS: If I weren't wearing sunglasses at night, in a poorly lit hotel room, you might see a tear forming in the corner of my eye.

Neo swallows the blue pill.

NEO: Nighty-night.

.: posted by hornswaggler 11:03 AM

Salon Articles
The Right Take on Libby?
Hurricane Horror Stories
"Looting" or "Finding"?
Run, Andy, Run!
Newsweek's Grand Inquisitor
Robert Blake
American Idol
Year in Television 2002

Andrew Sullivan
Bigmouth's "Lost" blog
Chris Keating
Hendrik Hertzberg
Matt Yglesias
Paul Krugman
Peter Kinney
Talking Points Memo
Two Glasses


Weblog Commenting and Trackback by HaloScan.com